Pretend My Pain Away

Tell my mother, tell my father
I’m so sorry I was never good enough
In your eyes I know I’ll always be a monster
Like who I am made me impossible to love
When I just needed empathy
You buried me in so much shame
I won’t apologize for who I am
No, not for one more day

I can’t pretend my pain away
I can’t outrun the pouring rain
In my head, in my head
It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane
I can’t pretend my pain away
Judge me for what I cannot change
When I’m dead, when I’m dead
You’re gonna wish you believed

You make me feel like such a burden
Like my sickness is my fault, can’t take this shame
I wish that you could see my pain just like a cancer
I’d be a hero, not a liar like you say

I can’t pretend my pain away
I can’t outrun the pouring rain
In my head, in my head
It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane
I can’t pretend my pain away
Judge me for what I cannot change
When I’m dead, when I’m dead
You’re gonna wish you believed

When I needed to be loved
You were the jury and the judge
Refused to understand
It messed me up so bad
The more you tried, the less you helped
It only made me hate myself
I can’t stand one second more
In the home you never were

I can’t pretend my pain away
I can’t outrun the pouring rain
In my head, in my head
It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane
I can’t pretend my pain away
Judge me for what I cannot change
I’m not dead, no not yet
I’m begging you to believe me