The Cringe

[Castleman]
Some people are scared of goblins and ghosts
They shriek at a raven perched on a post
Oh no! They cry
It’s a spooky black cat!
But there are so many things far more frightening than that

Like when I asked a woman I hadn’t seen in a while
How long she’d been pregnant, and there went her smile
Turns out she’d just gained weight
I’m so sorry, I said
And when that memory fills me with horror and dread

I do the cringe!
Ugh!
I do the cringe!
Oh!

[Heather, Paula, And Valencia]
More than a twinge

[Castleman]
The thought leaves me aghast
Because nothing is as scary as what lurks in your past

[Valencia]
Banshees and ghouls can give a good fright

[Paula]
But that’s not what keeps me up at night

[Heather]
I think about that time in bed with my ex
When I chuckled at his penis during sex

[Castleman, Rebecca, Paula, And Valencia]
She does the cringe

[Heather]
It was a full-blown laugh

[Castleman, Rebecca, Paula, And Valencia]
She does the cringe

[Heather]
It looked like a cute little puppet

[Castleman, Rebecca, Paula, And Valencia]
She does the cringe

[Heather]
He went soft and cried

[Mr. Trapani]
And that was the night their relationship died!

[Gary]
I told a date I lost my wallet so she would pay

[Susan]
I hooked up with the bassist of Sugar Ray

[Christopher]
I got an angel tattoo on my upper thigh

[Tara]
I gave my mother’s eulogy completely high

[Devon]
See, everyone has sins they want to wash away

[Benjamin]
I came up with the town motto, live, work, play

[All]
We do the cringe

[Benjamin]
It was not my best work

[All]
We do the cringe

[Benjamin]
In fairness, I was also high

[All]
We do the cringe

[Castleman]
Regret can be a blast
But nothing is as funky as what lurks in your past
Cringe dance!

[All]
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Ah!

[REBECCA]
We all have skeletons

[Castleman]
Real and metaphorically

[CHRISTOPHER]
Wait, aren’t you the guy who murdered me?

[REBECCA]
What?

[Castleman]
Nothing! The cringe!

[All]
Cringe!