Napoleon vs Charlemagne

Epic Rap Battles Of History
Charlemagne
Versus
Napoleon
Begin!

[Charlemagne]
Who’s the Europe conquering king par excellence
Who fathered his own renaissance and gave birth to fonts?
It is I, Charles the Great son of pepin the Short
Torturin’ this overblown war-horny bicorne-sporting Corsican
The Pope’s eyes? Saved ‘em
Holy Roman Empire? Established it
It lasted a thousand years until you pranced up and savaged it
Egypt, Haiti, Spain your campaigns are too elaborate
Your bubble of an empire popped like an Abba hit
I strike the fear of God in every land I take
Leavin’ pagans quakin’ makin’ em do the Charlem-shake
The bloody verdict of this battle has already been decided
Like the love between you and Joséphine it’s one-sided

[Napoleon]
Oh, Charlemagne, you cringe Carolingian charlatan
I’m the genuine article military artisan
You’re a clanky old suit of armor
I’ll bombard the janky monarch of the Franks and the Lombards
Your joyous sword tore hordes asunder
But war’s a bit more hardcore now that the years have four numbers
That is canister shot and you’ll receive those balls
When I blast you with my 12-pounder Gribeauvals
Le Petit Corporal here to get my groove on
Even if I lose I come back and get my coup on
I’ll subdue you brutally like a royalist in Toulon
I’m the smoothest French thing in grey since Poupon

[Charlemagne]
Oh, that flow you can’t quite rock it
That must be why you keep your hand like that, no pocket
You are nothing but a whiney little egotistic swine
Who got sunk by a Brit with a bullet in his spine
And your Russian debacle was even worse, you got beat by lice
You should’ve enlisted an elementary school nurse
People still place my name next to God Charlemagne
Now pretend I’m Moscow and retreat from these flames

[Napoleon]
I kept a vial of poison around my neck in case of capture
And I almost just drank it, you are that bad of a rapper
I’ll outflank you with ease, your losses will be costly
Like the Alps in winter with your pregnant wife you shouldn’t cross me
When I conquer I don’t need a pope’s help
I’ll grip a diamond-dripped hilt and put your crown on myself
The only throne you belong on is the latrine
You might be King of the Franks but you can suck beans

Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide