Everyone Hates His Parents

Just look at me
I’m a world-class traveler
Each Friday night
Travel travel travel
From her house to his house
First take the 104
With my computer
I am just a little kid

Not a commuter
And each Sunday night
Mother comes to get me
And I hear them fight
Everybody’s yelling about the bar mitzvah
It’s not a wrestling match
Why are they sweating?
It’s not a funeral
What’s so upsetting?

It’s a celebration
Where I get presents
But everybody’s yelling
And everybody’s ruining it
It’s a celebration
Where I get richer
But everybody’s yelling
And everybody’s ruining it
Everybody’s ruining it
Why, oh, why?
What have I done that they’d ruin my bar mitzvah?

What have we done that we’d ruin your bar mitzvah?
I want the Applebaums
They’re lovely, and they like me
They’re boring
She just likes the way you dress

Well, who wouldn’t?
Have the Applebaums
Screw the Applebaums
Please don’t do this!

Saul’s a jerk
Have them
Nix them!
Long live the Applebaums!
Arguing takes work

I hate this!
Blame her!
It is all a waste

You’re gonna blame me?
You have paintings of dicks!
Don’t talk to me about taste
Stop! I don’t want a bar mitzvah!
Okay? I don’t want a bar mitzvah!

What do you mean you don’t want a bar mitzvah?
What do you mean you don’t want a bar mitzvah?
How do you think we
How do you think we
How do you think we feel about that?

Jason
I am agitato grande
Jason, I am muy disgutante
And muy disappointe
And muy nauseatus
And me mitzraim
Hotzionoo
Dayenu

Everyone hates his parents
Don’t be ashamed
You’ll grow up
You’ll come through
You’ll have kids
And they’ll hate you too
Oh, everyone hates his parents
But, I confess
You grow up
You get old
You hate less

But I don’t want it
Nothing that gives them pleasure I’ll do
I don’t want a bar mitzvah
Stupid bar mitzvah
Any bar mitzvah
With you

Everyone hates his parents
That’s in the Torah
It’s what history shows
In fact, God said to Moses
Moses, everyone hates his parents
That’s how it is!
And God knew
Because God hated His

You are gonna kill your mother
Don’t feel guilty, kill your mother
Rather than humiliate her
Killing your mother
Is the merciful thing to do

Jason, darling, don’t get nervous
I’m right here, and at your service
Look, I’m calm and self-deluded
Grateful, ‘cause I hope
You’ll do what I pray you’ll do

Go ahead and kill your mother
Not with guns, but kill your mother
Rather than humiliate her
Killing your mother
Is the merciful thing to do
Oh my God

(Sung)
Everyone hates his parents
Now, I see why!
But in time
They’ll cool out
And you’ll think
They were only fooling
It’s a strange thing about parents
Push turns to shove
What was hate
Becomes more or less love

Jason, please see a psychiatrist
I’m a psychiatrist
Get lost!
Everyone hates his parents
This too shall pass
You’ll grow up

I’ll come through
I’ll have kids
And they’ll hate you too
Oh, Everyone hates his parents
But kid I guess
You’ll grow up

I’ll grow up
You’ll get old
I’ll get old
And hate less
Flip me!

You got it!
Whoo!
And hate less