Both Sides (ft Kamilah Marshall)

I was once told that walking through
A doorway could cause someone to forget
Even the most precious memories they had
Memories of good
Memories of bad
Memories of love and of loss
All tucked away neatly
Stored like the worn out blankets
That were kept to dress the rainy days
And bad habits that happen from time to time

Or what it felt like to rest your head on a friend’s shoulder
That still carries with it the
Creases from where you last placed your heart
Just like that
Gone within a single step
That somehow three beams and an imaginary
Line drawn across some old aching floorboards
Were all that stood between you and the infinite silence
Of the very things that once colored your mind with sound
It’s funny
You can make yourself believe almost anything if you
If you think about it for long enough

I was once told that the love I felt beating inside my chest
Was nothing more than my mind playing an unfair trick on my heart
And like a pair of dice dancing along the uneven pavement
Their fate, much like yours or mine had already been decided
That even the cracks that drew their faults between two opposing sides
Could not escape a fate that was always destined to be sealed
To think
That someone could actually believe
That the swelling tides of my heart
Were no more than an anxious highway of ins and outs
Anchoring my imagination to the
Castles I’ve been building in the sky
Well, maybe “they” are the crazy ones

Then again
I have been known to misplace my hope in the way things fall
And if I had to confess there stands a greater
Chance that I have all but lost my mind in here
So I suppose it’s better off this way
Because I’ve always believed that the odds of finding what you seek
Tend to favor those who are open to seeking them in the first place
And I for one have never quite understood how
Odds stand to get even without that frame in mind

To be clear
I’ve seen a million faces
I’ve seen a million different faces
Each one mirroring that of your own
And still, none of them felt like home to me
None of them have felt like you

So here we are
And I can vaguely and strangely trace your outline
I can remember what it felt like to hold you
I can remember what it was like to stare blindly
Into your eyes for what felt like an eternity
How could I forget that?
I could never forget that
I could never forget you

No matter how long it takes for my words to make their way
Through the vastness of this place we’ve called home
I unto you and you unto me
I say them and will continue to do so
Day after day
Night after night
Never knowing if you’ll actually hear them

There is no place for time here
Just overlapping moments where I thought I’d found you
Where I thought I heard the sound of your breath
Where I felt your heart as it waited patiently for mine
Retracing the steps that we left in the life before last
Before our eyes closed
Before the great divide
Before a doorway stood between you and me

As it stands
I’ve found myself in that doorway again
With both feet in and your heart on my sleeve
But I can’t bring myself to walk through this time
Not yet at least
Not until I take one last look and see that it was you
That it was always you
Our hearts strewn across those old fragile floorboards
The silhouettes of each and every one of our memories
Playing out like a story that we both know we’ve seen before

I remember now
This was where I first found you
And beyond those closed doors
I will find you again
My love
I will find you again
I will find you again

I will find you
I will find you