Twinkle

While you were asleep
Pulled my hood to block the light from the TV
Turned the volume up to distract me from constant noises
Leaking under the apartment door
It doesn’t help
I get up and I crawl out and don’t hear more
Make a barricade of full trash bags and empty boxes
Perched behind them, closely watching

While you were asleep
On the couch, watching a movie, smoking weed
Rummaging through the utensils in the kitchen counter,
In the drainer, which one’s sharper.
When the light creeps in
loosen my grip and crawl back into my bed.
Your alarm is set to go off in a half an hour.
Eyes closed. Fake snore. None the wiser.

Victoria made me happy
Now I can only be scared
And people tell me that time can fix the wound.
But that’s crap.
‘Cause she’s not coming back
And life’s unfair.

I’m always anxious and worried.
I’m always freaked out and scared.
And people tell me that time can fix the wound.
But that’s crap.
Vicki’s not coming back.

And I scream, “Why did I get left behind?”
I know it’s an exaggeration
to say I would rather die than
share this place with people capable
of inspiring such fear and hopelessness
that I’m frozen in my bed…
but that sums it up.

Teenage Halloween
Hot safety pins in nozzles of shaving cream
Spend the evening spraying cars, toilet papering houses
What’s the harm in smashing pumpkins?

Decades on, with kids
And I don’t let them go out past dark.
I sit on the front porch with a shotgun
While they’re upstairs sleeping.
Total darkness.
Love. Protection.