First Of May

I woke up this morning
I had a scone and a large house blend
And then a little conversation with my squirrel and chipmunk friends
I said I’m sick and tired of winter
And I wish that it was spring
And then a little fellow named Robin Redbreast
Began to sing

And he sang
Ooh ooh child, what’d you think the cold winter’s gonna last forever?
Ooh ooh child, now’s the time for all the people to get together
Outside

Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
Outdoor fuc*** starts today
So bring your favorite lady
Or at least your favorite lay
The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe
Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
Grass below you, sky above
Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called fuc*** outside

I thanked him for the information
I cried a little when he flew away
I watched an episode of The People’s Court
And I tried to plan my day
I called up my old lady
She wasn’t home so I called my girl
I asked her if she’d like to join me as I
Entertain the world

And I said
Ooh ooh child, I’ll bring a blanket and I promise I will brush the ants off
Ooh ooh child, you’re gonna like it when we’re taking each other’s pants off
Outside

Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
Outdoor fuc*** starts today
So bring your favorite lady
Or at least your favorite lay
The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe
Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
Grass below you, sky above
Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called fuc*** outside

So we went to the park together
We were walking in the midday sun
We met all kinds of people and we
We fuc*** everyone
We fuc*** a lady who sells ice cream
We fuc*** a man with a tan Shar Pei
Everyone who needed fuc*** well they
They got fuc*** today

So come on
Ooh ooh child, open your mind and your heart, feel the spirit moving through you
Ooh ooh child, you’ll feel the warmth of the love when I stick it to you
Outside

Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
Outdoor fuc*** starts today
So bring your favorite lady
Or at least your favorite lay
The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe
Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
Grass below you, sky above
Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called fuc*** outside