Nineteen Reasons

Don’t look at me with those judgment eyes
Don’t stare at me like you don’t know I see it
Disappear for days
Just to bring you up
Would you call that love?
Would call me up?
You’re so manipulative
But so sweet that mascarate it
You still wouldn’t hear me if you weren’t broken inside
You ask me if I’m fine
You do all the time
So would you like to hear my thoughts?

Baby if you don’t move
I’m packing my stuff
And I’ll leave you
Next week
Please tell me: Don’t go
Pretend that you care
Pretend you’re not ashamed and scared of me
But I understand you
‘Cause I’ve been feeling too
But I know the truth
I got nineteen reasons to give it up on you

Don’t say the word everyone use to leave
But don’t leave me without a word
Seems all men now days are mediocre actors
And it’s not even fucking metaphor
You disguised really well
But the show is over
No I won’t leave ‘cause I can’t
I got a thousand ghosts at home
And I wonder if it’s worth it
Having one more for these lonely nights
You’re everywhere
I’m wide aware
Would really like to hear my thoughts?

Baby if you don’t move
I’m packing my stuff
And I’ll leave you
Next week
Please tell me: Don’t go
Pretend that you care
Pretend you’re not ashamed and scared of me
But I understand you (I try too)
‘Cause I’ve been feeling too
But I know the truth
I got nineteen reasons to give it up on you

They sympathize with me for the time
I couldn’t hold it
Wish I didn’t cry
And they don’t know
I often think of dying
I can’t kill myself, but I keep on trying
And if someday it works
I would feel a traitor
A liar, a selfish, a weaker prayer
A love self hater
A living failure
A nightmare simulator
Can’t get rid of that
Wish I could not care
That my life is a mess
What if I can’t regret?
My nose stings like I need something to live for
My brain erase the things that hurts me more
Suddenly I know nothing all
Don’t know what’s good for me
Don’t know what’s good for love
I must deny to me
That I loved you for sure
This is the Cold War
I’ve been here before
You’re cruel, and so hot
You’re fun, but you’re not
Forget the desires
My news are on fire
In the end of it all
I’m just feeling too much
It’ll always go deeper
I’m just a teenager
I can’t open up
I can heal my hurts
I’ll just live my life till the day I die
I try to cover under titanium sheets
The reason that breaks me every day
That the nineteenth reason is always me
And I tried to love myself
To somebody, come and love me
I couldn’t let my birthday go away
I would turn back to be nobody
People think I live for my waist
I might be killed by prejudice
Am I’m going to be famous drowning in drugs and whisky?
I thought it would break with you
But I ended with me
I’m afraid of therapy
But if you want to hear my thoughts