Brownish spider

While, in my little world, I patched a plaster wall
and in my little world, I was waiting (just dying!)
to take offence at something
this is all there is in my sad little world]

In darkness a light shines
on you and on me

I never gathered figs from a thorny branch,
I never picked a grapefruit off a bramble bush
and for the past five- almost six years now!-
you know you haven’t once looked at me
with kindness in your eyes
you say Judas is a brother of mine?
but sister in our darkness a light shines
and all I ever want to say for the rest of my life
is how that light is G-d,
and though I’ve been mistaken on this or that point,
that light is nevertheless G-d.

Every thing I thought I’d learned
ambition and illusion turned
to drawings on a loose leaf sheet
of tarts and cakes I couldn’t eat

what in her do I require?
the face of gratified desire
what in me does she require?
the face of a gratified desire

brownish spider,
brownish leaf
confirms my deepest held belief.
no more spider,
no more leaf,
no more me,
no more belief.