Portrait Of A Man On A Couch With Cats

Was raised to believe that hell’s just for the people in my head
Such a dear friend to me to make me believe it’s where I’m living
So so long fairweather friends, I’ll see you when I’m feeling more eloquent
God willing then, I’ll be easier to digest

I hope you don’t mind me
In the corner, losing sleep
As you step out the door to leave

Goddamn, I need a cigarette
Anything for me to excuse my weighted chest
I have lots of growing left, so please call me on it
But in the end I think we could all be more honest
So I cannot hold my head too high
If I’m trying to acknowledge all these faults of mine
It’s a process that never ceases to remind
Just when I think I can leave my shadow behind

In other words, I’m doing well
I’m learning what care means without anyone else
I don’t blame you, I wish I could’ve left myself
But my wrist is now clean and my thoughts are more clear
I hope you will listen, but hope you won’t hear me
Tripping, stumbling, falling on deaf ears

These issues aren’t unique
But it’s so hard to not feel bleak
When I haven’t slept all week

But I still keep hanging on

I will bear this heavy chest, let it rise and fall
And maybe I’ll grow out of it before I’m done
But you won’t catch me hedging me bets on it
I just might be more effort than I’m worth
I guess I can’t blame you, but I can’t say it doesn’t hurt
Won’t say I’ll make it up to you, but what I know for sure
Is I’m thankful that you ever happened

I’m still here. I’m still trying
I still fear that I’m lying and it’s really not fine