Weak Handshake

You know you’re actually kinda cute
With your halo and your Morrissey t-shirt
Scratching round the chicken feathers and dirt
Everybody has to make a living

You know you’re actually kinda cute
Like a child getting to grips with the big words
I’ve got a new one that you might not have heard
You are a fucking charlatan (not the band)

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

Shed your skin like a snake
Slip it off like a stripper’s Velcro hot pants
Like yesterday’s allies and sycophants
Like an inconvenient opinion

Leave that skin by the roadside
A pound-shop Ozymandias statue
A memorial jumped-up dandruff tribute
It’s actually kind of cute

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

Cause here’s the thing: There are certain kinds of things
That just can’t be helped, It’s just the way you were whelped

And It isn’t really fair to judge a man by his stupid fucking hair
To call him out for his beady eyes and his beer gut
No matter how much they might make you wanna throw up

But then you come to the matters of moral agency
The decisions that make you the man that you’re meant to be
The battlements from which you will not be budged
The choices by which you consent to be judged

You made your bed so now you can lie in it
You conceit is a prison and one day you’ll die in it
And I only hope I live to see a day when I won’t notice your passing

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

Exhibit A: Your fucking legacy
Exhibit B: You’re fucking everything
Exhibit C: You’re fucking nothing
The prosecution rests