Another Terrible Day

[Mr. D]
Oh, you’re alive
I suppose that’s good news for you
But it means a lot more paperwork for me

So don’t expect me to be happy to see you
Of course, being alive is temporary

So, maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a few hours, things might improve
For me. Not for you. You’d be dead

[Percy]
(Spoken)
Where am I?

[Mr. D]
Great!
You haven’t been debriefed
This is way out of my pay grade
Which is saying a lot
‘Cause I don’t get paid

Someone find professor hay-for-breath
And tell him Peter Johnson is awake
So he better clip-clop over here!

[Percy]
(Spoken)
It’s Percy Jackson

[Mr. D]
Whatever!

Just another terrible day
At camp half-blood
Where everything’s the worst

Just another terrible day
When you’re in charge
It’s like you’re cursed

Well, technically I am cursed
One romp in the woods with zeus’ favorite wood nymph
And you’re stuck running a summer camp
For a bunch of needy half-bloods

[Percy]
Half-blood?

[Mr. D]
Yeah, half-God, half-mortal. Does no one watch the orientation film?

[Percy]
Did you say half-God?

[Mr. D]
Yeah. And I half-care
Who’s next? Silena beauregard!

Oh, great, she’s crying

[Silena]
I was walking in the strawberry fields with charlie beckendorf
And we were holding hands and everything was totally normal
And then I kissed him and all of a sudden he started growing sunflowers
Everywhere!

[Mr. D]
Look, kid
I hate to be the one to tell you
But I think that charlie beckendorf was also holding hands with a nymph
That doesn’t wanna to wish you well

To tell you the truth
The best thing is to break up with the guy

‘Course, who am I to give relationship advice, I’m literally the God of alcohol

[Silena]
But he loves me

[Mr. D]
He loves you not! Next!

Another terrible day
At camp half-blood
Where everything’s the worst

Just another terrible day
I’m the God of wine
And I’m dying of thirst

[Percy]
(Spoken)
Wait, did you say you’re a God?

[Mr. D]
Dionysus, God of wine. The gods are real. Yippy skippy
Ah, katie gardner. I see you’ve injured your arm

[Katie]
I fell off a pegasus (giggles)

[Mr. D]
You don’t have flying lessons on thursdays, you have archery

[Katie]
Those arrows are made of wood! Wood comes from trees!
I refuse to participate in any activity that encourages
The senseless slaughter of our arboreal friends

[Mr. D]
Oh, gods
Give me ares or apollo
Anyone but the demeter kids cabin

Now that you blessed us
Go talk to hephaestus
Before I take a knife to my head and start stabbing

(Spoken)
And stay away from the pegasi! Girls and ponies
Ah, speaking of ponies

[Mr. Brunner]
Percy!

[Percy]
Mr. Brunner! What are you doing here?
This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and
What is going on?

[Mr. Brunner]
It’s complicated

[Mr. D]
Oh kid
You have no idea
About this place or your former mentor

I don’t have time
To fill you in on the details
But look, he’s also a centaur

God!

[Chiron]
I did mean to tell you

[Mr. D]
Another terrible day
(Mr. Brunner!)
At camp half-blood
(You’re a horse!)
Where everything’s the worst
(What is happening?)

Another terrible day
You can hate it here
But I hated it first

Just another terrible day
Stuck with these runts
In the muck and mud

Another terrible day
Oh gods!

I need a drink

Enjoy your stay
At camp half-blood