The Campfire Song

[Luke]
Come on, grab some ambrosia
And let the nectar flow

[Percy]
Why is everyone scraping part
Of their plate into the fire?
Is the food here really that bad?

[Luke]
Offering to the gods
It’s not enough that they’re omnipotent
And all-powerful, they need to feel appreciated
To the gods!

[Ensemble]
To the gods!

[Luke]
Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your parents run the universe

[All]
Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your folks run the universe

[Luke]
My dad is hermes
He messengers things
You’ll know his sign by his shoes with those wings
I’d wait by the phone, but the phone never rings
Oh, no

When your dad’s a God, life can be tough
I met the guy once, and once was enough

Annabeth?

[Annabeth]
My mom’s athena
She’s smart and she’s wise
She’s sworn off gluten and she’s sworn off guys
But if she came to camp, it’d be a surprise
Oh, no

[Luke and Katie]
Oh no
Oh, and my stepmom, she hates me
And my dad works all day
So I left Virginia and I ran away

[Percy]
Wait, is that true?

[Luke]
Everybody!

[All]
Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your folks run the universe

[Luke]
Alright, who’s next?

[Katie]
Oh! Okay, let me see

My mom’s demeter
Goddess of grain
She gets excited when it starts to rain
But planting and planting and planting’s a pain
Oh, no

[Ensemble]
Oh, no

Right?

For their sixteenth birthday, my friends got a car
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar

[Grover]
Ooh, ooh! My turn!

I’m a child of pan
God of the wild
For those who love nature, they’re often beguiled
He’s not really my dad, but I’m sort of his child
Oh, no

[Ensemble]
Oh, no

He went for a hike to explore new frontiers
And no one has seen him for thousands of years

[All]
Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your folks run the universe

[Percy]
Chiron! Who’s your dad?

[Chiron]
Oh, well

My father is Kronos
Remember my lecture
He ate his children

[Luke]
Chiron wins
How about you, Silena?

[Silena]
The goddess of love
My mom’s aphrodite
She tries to be cool but mainly she’s flighty
I’ll bring home a boy, and she’s there in her nightie

[Ensemble]
Oh, no!

It’s so embarrassing, guys!

I tried to seek help from even the fates
Cause she steals my mascara and all of my dates

[Luke]
Alright, Percy, it’s your turn

[Percy]
If I tried to sing, it’ll probably cause an avalanche

[Luke]
Oh, we’re all friends here
Come on, give it a shot

[Percy]
My mom was named sally
She loved scary movies
And food that was blue
And-

[Katie]
He’s doing it wrong

[Silena]
Yeah, who’s your godly parent?

[Percy]
Oh
I don’t know

[Luke]
It’s alright a lot of half-bloods
Never know their godly parent
Just give it a try

[Percy]
So my dad is some God
That’s great I guess
Did he not want me? Or not want the stress?
Too bad he’s the worst, and my life is a mess
Oh, no

I hope he shows even a trace
Cause I got some choice words to throw in his face!

[All]
Oh, things couldn’t be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn’t be worse

[Luke]
But I don’t care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me

[All]
We don’t care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me

As long as you are here with me!