The Day I Got Expelled

The gods are real
Like the greek gods
Like the ones you learned about
But weren’t paying attention to
Well, they don’t pay attention to you, either
Especially if you’re their kid

The gods have godly things to do
Godly places they need to see
Godly plans they need to make
That don’t include
Me

Yeah, the gods are real
And they have kids
And those kids have
Issues
Issues

Daddy doesn’t love me
And mommy is a God
Mommy can’t protect me
And daddy is a God
Mommy is too busy
And daddy is too busy
Busy, busy, busy, busy being a God
Yeah

You never listen to me
You never listen
You never listen to me
You never listen, oh
You never listen but
Now, you’re gonna listen

‘Cause it’s time you heard our side of the story
It’s time you heard our story

Look!
I didn’t wanna be a half-blood
I didn’t ask to be a hero seeking praise
Being a half-blood, it’s scary
It mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways
I didn’t want to cause trouble, trouble
I’m less a player and more the played
And, honestly, I’d be totally be fine
If I could make it to the next grade, next grade
It wasn’t dirty socks or my stepdad
It was danger that I smelled
The day it all went down
The day I got expelled
Maybe you don’t know what a half-blood is
Because your life is normal and happy
And not constantly in danger, but my life?
Let me set the scene

We were on this freaky field trip
Freaky trip
That’s when this story should probably start
We were geeking out on ancient greek
At the New York metropolitan museum of art
We stopped by all the statues
And learned about the gods
With Mister Brunner and my substitute, Mistress Dodds
Hadn’t done nothing wrong
Wasn’t rude
Hadn’t rebelled
On the day it all went down
The day I got expelled

The greek gods!
Almighty titans of earth, sea, and sky!
But even they were children once
And they didn’t have it easy!
Their father, kronos, feared the day his children
Would one day inherit the earth
So what did he do?
Anyone? Anyone?

He ate them!
Ah
Thank you, Mistress Dodds

But!
One child, zeus, escaped and devised a plan
To rescue his brothers and sisters!
He tricked kronos into eating a rock
And what did kronos do?
Anyone? Any student?

He vomited them up!

I didn’t really get the story
At least it wasn’t boring as I’d feared
But is it me, or is greek mythology
Not deeply weird?
I didn’t want to pay attention
Pay attention! Pay attention!
Now I wish I had taken notes
But my focus is in question
And gods and indigestion
Caused a groan from all our throats

Ew!
Baaah!
Dude, what was that?
Uh, nothing!

My best friend was acting strange
At which he so excelled
The day it all went down
The day I got expelled

Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?
Ask Nancy Bobofit
She’s a monster!
Not literally
I don’t think

She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you
I stopped it, with my head
Grover, you’re a good friend
Aw
Dude, I’m your only friend
Percy Jackson!

I knew something was up
When I heard my name get yelled
The day it all went down
I saw something odd in Mistress Dodds’ frown
The day it all got weird
The day I got expelled

Mr. Jackson
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Mr. Jackson
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Mr. Jackson!
Please see me by the sphinx

Look
If this is about Nancy Bobofit
She only hates me because I tried
To get her to stop wedgie-ing the first graders
I have heard much about you
Percy Jackson
Really?
That’s very dedicated for a substitute
Kicked out of five schools in six years
One might question your parentage
Hey, don’t talk about my mom
And your father? That’s right
You don’t know who he is!
What’s this about anyway?
Uh, Mrs. Dodds?
You have something growing on your
What ho, Percy!
Mr. Brunner!
What am I supposed to do with a pen- sword!
Woah!

Mr. Brunner?
Mrs Dodds?

I didn’t know what just had happened
Was that all a creepy, crazy dream?
My teacher was a creature
Then she vanished in the ether
With a demon scream
The next thing that I knew
I was where detention was held
The day it all got real
The day I got
Expelled?

I tried, Percy, but the headmaster stands firm
In his decision
You were supposed to stay with the group
And this was your final warning
But it wasn’t my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds!
She lured me away, she attacked me, and
You saw it!
Did I?
And you gave me that pen!
Only it wasn’t a pen, it was a sword, and
What?
Percy
We’ve never had a teacher named Mrs. Dodds
Perhaps it’s for the best
This wasn’t the place for you
It was only a matter of time before
I got kicked out?
That’s not what I was going to
You think I’m trouble
Just like everyone else

No, but
That is to say
I can only accept the best from you, percy
Someday you’ll understand why
I’m truly sorry

Yeah well, I’m sorry I let you down

Maybe he’s right
You never fit in at this school anyway
You’re not exactly

Normal?

Exactly!
I mean, uh, I’ll see you on the bus

So if you think you are a halfblood
Better get headed to the exits now
‘Cause folks will think you’re lying
Better run and don’t start crying
‘Cause you’re monster chow
Or stick around and maybe you’ll learn from me
This ain’t odysseus’ odyssey
So hear me out
If you’re so compelled
But, nobody listens to me
They never listen
Nobody listens to me
They never listen, oh

Dude!
You got
Expelled

I didn’t wanna be a halfblood
I didn’t ask to be a halfblood
Expelled!