I Don't Like Old People

Wanna know what makes me mad?
People older than seventy
They’re always like

“Eh back in my day the year was 1903”
They say they know everything
But they can’t do shit without your help
“You kids with your sort-sleeve shirts
Eh, I just crapped myself…”

Old ass grandpas all sit outside
“Ahh”
And bitch about how shit used
To cost a dime
“It cost uh”

They run us over
Why can’t they drive?

“Well, back in my day
Negroes gave us piggy-back
Rides”

I just don’t like old people
‘Cause they want everyone to
Wipe their butts

“Wait there’s more!”
Old people are fucking dumb
They always want to you tell about
The war

“Back in the war, uphill both ways”
Old people won’t never be quiet
Well, I guess they will when they die
Because they got alzheimers and
Cancer

“Well, at least I don’t have alzheimers”
They drive those high-tech scooters
And they can’t work cell-phones
Or computers

We gotta stand in line all day
At the self-checkout
Because they think its magic
Old ass white boys
Think that they’re smart

“Huh I invented the wheel and fire and farts”

They’re all good christians
“‘Cause I knew christ”
They need him now, because…
“I’m deaf and blind”

Old people, get off the road!
Why don’t y’all
Ever flush the toilet bowl

“Eh how do I work this thing?”

And the pope is as old as dirt
And he lets people
Touch young little boys

“Eh guess who’s got some candy?”
I dont like old geezers, they think that
“Russian people did that 9/11 day”
They spend their life on the porch smoking their pipe
And calling everyone else lazy

You wanna know why I really hate them?
Because their gonna die soon, so I get attached, ya know?
Let’s take grandpa out on the boat one last time and drop him off
To swim off peacefully into the night
Here you go, gramps
Ah, grandpa sure did love the ocean
That’s the way he would’ve wanted it
Ya know? I can still hear his voice
I sure am gonna miss that old faggot!

Fuck them old people (cause they all)
Take a dump in their diapers

“There’s my raisin bran!”
Old people like apple-sauce
And they all
Call coca-cola, soda pop

“Eh don’t drink too much soda pop”
Old people belong in a
Old age home
They’re too old to live with u

“But I built this house!”
Old people are dumb as fuck
All their teeth fall out
When they chew apples

“Where they go?”
“Eh what’s with all these sports you play these days?
Ski that’s a sport
If not for the hill, they’d be standing still there
Uhh
All these channels you have on your television
Back in my day, the radio had two channels
On and off