Water

[Casting director]
Okay greenie, you’re first
What’s your deal?

[Green Witch]
Well, I just performed in a regional production of fried green tomatoes, as the tomato

[Casting director]
Next!

[Green Witch]
But wait!
I also did a one-woman show on a cruise ship
I was so excited to set sail, until I looked around

I said, is that water?
I don’t do water
It makes my body melt and
I’m not an otter
I’m someone’s daughter!
And I have learned to trust my instincts well

But I figured, how bad could it be?
I’m a witch, I could just rise above it all
Defy gravity, y’know?

Went to work to show tonight
I was fully committed
Serving wicked cabaret!
But a sinking feeling
That I couldn’t shake told me
Girl, you need to fly!
Yes, a sinking feeling
That I couldn’t shake said
Kiss this ship goodbye!
So I left

Three days later
I heard that ship had sunk
When an iceberg hit it
And tore a great big chunk

And that’s the 100-percent accurate, totally real story of why

I don’t do water!

[Casting director]
Doesn’t do water, got it
Next!